The Complicated Family Tree of Arturia Pendragon
by DalSlatyr
Summary: Shirou is Mordred's dad now... ever think about that? Arturia and Mordred live in the suburbs and other servants are their neighbors. Everyone lives boring lives. Watch as they embark on absolutely normal journeys to do absolutely normal things.
1. Mordred's Other Father

**Yes, I know I've been away for a long time, but I have good reasons. I wanted to update Earthland's Hero of Justice, but I got a cold before I finished writing the newest chapter and now I have to start writing again, so expect an update to it soon. (Hopefully in the next few days).**

 **Also, this story is really old. I tried fixing it, but it's still poorly written. I wrote this as a joke, but I decided to post it anyway, so I hope that you enjoy it.**

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The wooden handle grasped at the proper angle, she slid the brush down her golden blonde hair. A soft brushing noise could be heard as the bristles moved to separate tangled strands.

A cool breeze made its way through the window. Closing her eyes, she welcomed the change in temperature. She took a deep breath, welcoming the fresh air into her lungs. Something about the chill changed the air around her and definitely not in a bad way. She then sighed before opening her eyes again. As she looked into the mirror, she could see her daughter sitting on the bed behind her with arms crossed. The young girl was staring back through the mirror with an irritated expression on her face.

She sighed once more. Why did her daughter dislike the idea? She knew from the start that it was going to happen, it was only a matter of time before her mother would get married... and it just so happened to be with the perfect guy too.

Her Blue Green eyes stared back at the Blue Green eyes of her daughter through the mirror. "Is something wrong?" She asked her daughter. "You seem to be bitter today." Through the mirror, dirty blonde hair swayed to the side as her daughter turned her head away. Knowing that 'Hmph!' was the only reply she would get, she went back to brushing her hair.

'looks just about right.' She thought to herself as she went about styling her hair. Hearing an annoyed sigh from her daughter, she turned to see her through the mirror again. "Yes?" She questioned her daughter.

"You know," She began. "you don't have to wear your hair in that same style every single day."

'Same style?' It worked, so why not? Reaching back, she wrapped the braid around the bun on the back of her head. Slowly, she tied the bun in place with a blue ribbon and tightened the ribbon by pulling on the two strings. "You don't have to be here if you don't like him." She said to her daughter. Getting up, she gestured for her daughter to take her seat. The girl merely scoffed and sat in wooden chair the her mother was previously in. She took the length of her daughter's hair in her hands and fit it through a dark brown hair tie. Any attempt to brush her hair before hand would be swatted away.

After grooming themselves, they both went into their wardrobes to fetch their favorite clothing. The mother wore a white frilly blouse with a blue ribbon at the chest area and a blue skirt. The daughter found herself wearing a white shirt and a red jacket along with a pair of jean shorts. The two then made their way to the kitchen.

She opened the stove to check on the meal and was surprised when she saw that it wasn't burnt. "Please set the table." She asked, but as she turned, she found her daughter already doing it. "Where did your sudden motivation come from? I thought you hated the idea."

The girl scoffed as she placed numerous silverware and dishes onto the table. "I've changed my mind. I want to see this bastard as soon as possible." Her mother frowned at her language, but it didn't matter. Finishing her work, she sat in her chair at the dinner table.

After placing several cooked meals onto the table, she sat down next to her daughter. All they could do now was wait.

The girl sighed and then looked to her left. She could see her mother blushing and fiddling with her fingers. 'Gross'. Hearing the doorbell ring, the two nearly jumped from their seats. Her chair slid back, screeching against the surface of the floor. The girl stood up rather quickly. before her mother could even think about what to do next, she sat her back down. "I'll get it." She said.

Her mother sat back down and watched her walk over to the door before freezing over it. She shook her head and took a deep breath before exhaling. opening the door revealed a young Auburn haired man with Golden sunset eyes. 'Is this the man who stole my mother's heart?' She thought to herself. She looked down to catch a glimpse of his appearance. He was wearing a white shirt with blue sleeves and a pair of dark blue jeans. "So you're Shirou Emiya..." She spoke.

The man known as Shirou chuckled for a moment before replying, "Yes. And I'm going to be your daddy, Mordred."


	2. Mordred Goes For a Walk

It's not like Emiya Shirou had actually said those words, but he might as well have. Mordred knew that he was evil and she was going to prove it! Even if it meant that her father hated her for the time being.

She paced back and forth, stepping on the blades of grass and flattening them on the lawn. Just how would she do it, though? Emiya Shirou appeared to be a clean man, but there had to be something on him. 'I just need father to see that this is a mistake!'

But that was impossible. Mordred was not someone adept at dealing with these types of issues, she wasn't even that good at planning things out like this. As much as she hated to admit it, she wasn't exactly the smartest brick in the wall. Or the next smartest... Or the one after that...

But what she did know was that people did their best thinking while they were walking. And that was how she got here. However, she didn't like the idea of walking in circles, or in plain sight of her own house; where her father and Shirou could no doubt see her through the windows if they were looking. Maybe she could go for a walk?

Though, places like the park were a no-go. She tried her best to avoid the park, too many weirdos hung out in the park. There was forest west of the house, maybe she could head there? A walk in the forest actually sounded relaxing to Mordred.

Nodding to herself, Mordred turned to the direction of the forest and began walking. Stepping off her lawn, she kept walking. Feeling a yawn coming up, Mordred closed her eyes, rubbing them as she yawned. With her eyes closed, she merely kept walking, people could just move and avoid her if she stumbled in the wrong direction.

"Hold it, right there!"

Normally Mordred wouldn't have given so much attention to some passerby, but the voice was accompanied by a rather strong killing-intent. Turning in the direction of the voice, she removed her hands from her eyes as they opened.

'Oh, it's just the neighbor.' Mordred thought to herself. "What do you want, Lancer?" She asked, her voice baring hints of exhaustion, irritation and boredom all at once.

"Your foot!" He shouted from his porch, his red spear served as a pointing stick as the razor-sharp tip trailed down to her foot.

Mordred looked down at her foot, which sat motionless in the air above Lancer's lawn. "What about it?" She asked, seemingly impatient.

"There's a perfectly fine side-walk right there!" He shouted, pointing the spear at the side-walk. "Don't go stepping on other peoples' grass!"

Mordred rolled her eyes. Father always told her that the neighbor was crazy, but she had never met him until now nor had she the desire to. Still, she always thought that her parent was paranoid to some extent. The guy had always appeared normal to Mordred, save for the unusual amount of lawn-care equipment he had.

Swerving her foot, Mordred stepped onto the side-walk and kept walking, trying her best to ignore the firm gaze of her neighbor, which had followed her until she left the area.

Already forgetting the previous encounter, Mordred noticed the sight of several trees in the distance.

Filled with the faint feeling of excitement at the opportunity to be alone, Mordred began running. The ever-so distant sight of the forest brim growing closer! Larger! Soon enough, she was standing at the entrance of the forest. A trail in sight, she made her way through.

From there, Mordred began thinking. There wasn't much she could do against Emiya Shirou, the guy was nearly perfect and had her only parent fall head-over-heels for him. Spotting a tree stump in the middle of a clearing, Mordred walked over to it. Brushing off the exposed tree stump, she sat down on it. Resting her arms on her knees, she let out a tired sigh.

"One touch of nature makes the whole world kin."

The loud voice of a male spoke, breaking through the wall of silence that saturated the area.

Still, Mordred sat there on the stump, not looking up at the voice. Doing her best to ignore the voice and get back to plotting.

"One touch of na-!"

"I heard you the first time!" Mordred shouted, shooting off the stump and glaring at the figure in the tree above.

Balancing on a thin branch of the tree was a man with ginger hair, dressed in dressed in refined, Medieval-esque clothing that were also green of varied shades. Draped over his shoulder was a darker green-brown cape that hung loosely over the branch.

The ginger haired man flinched and nearly fell off the branch at the sound of Mordred's rage-filled shout.

"Ahem!" The man raised a closed fist to his mouth, clearing his throat nervously. "You may continue on with your life. I shall merely be here, watching."

Mordred gave the man a look of disbelief, and when she showed no sign of looking away, he gestured for her to move along. He even flashed her a thumbs-up.

"Like hell you will!" Mordred shouted, her noble phantasm materializing in her hand before she pointed it right at him. "I'm not just gonna let some old man stalk me!"

"O- old!?" The man seemed offended, but Mordred stood by her statement.

"You're going to leave, now!" She snarled.

"Now, young lady. If you may, I merely wish to-"

"That's it, I'm chopping down this tree!"

"Wait, no- AH!"

Mordred wasted no time. Ignoring the less than masculine scream that came from the freak above, she charged forward. She could have taken the tree down in one swing, but in order to intimidate the man and increase his chances of leaving, Mordred took several slow and weak swings at the tree.

"W-wait a minute, perhaps you could just tell me what is troubling you and we could talk this out like civilized people!"

Mordred pondered for a moment, pausing herself mid-swing. This guy seemed sort of somewhat kind of smart-ish. Maybe he could help her plot against Emiya Shirou? "You're still leaving afterwards!" She shouted, resuming her angry swings against the tree.

"You may stop now!" He shouted with a panicked voice.

When Mordred finally stopped, the tree was basically holding itself up by a toothpick. Her sword vanishing before she stepped back and looked up at the cowardly man. "I need to stop my father from wedding with an evil man."

The man quirked a brow. "Your father fancies men?"

Mordred growled. "My father is a w-woman!"

The man's face contorted into a disturbed and confused expression.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter!" She yelled angrily, closing off that part of the conversation before it could go anywhere. "The man, Emiya Shirou is evil! He has my father's favor too, so he won't listen to anything I say! And the wedding is happening soon! I don't know what to do!" The man better have good advice, otherwise the tree was going down.

The man raised an open palm to his chin, cupping it as he pondered.

"Hurry up!"

The man flinched once more, opening his eyes as he cleared his throat once again. "Perhaps you could win over your father's favor from this 'Emiya Shirou'. He- sh- your father would listen then, right?"

"Are you telling me to become a brown-noser?" Mordred questioned angrily. "Even if I did that, my father wouldn't listen, he hates me!"

"If your father hates you, then what does it matter to you? Should you not care about to whom he weds?"

Mordred scoffed. She had a goal in mind, something entirely different, which meant that his point was moot.

Seeing as Mordred made no move to accept his point, the man continued with a different approach. "Well, if your father's opinion of you is set in stone, why don't you just lower hi- he- your father's opinion of Emiya Shirou. So much that he'll descend the chain and you can pass him?"

Mordred thought about it for a while, the silence spawned anticipation within the man above, who was most likely fearing for his life right now. "I should have expected an evil scheme like that from a creepy stalker." She spoke, walking over to the tree he was in, threatening to pass it and leave him behind. "Still, it's not a bad plan. Well, so long. I better not catch you stalking me again." Mordred raised her leg and thrust her foot at the tree. After giving it a kick, she walked away, most likely to return home.

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William sat still under the branches and leaves of the recently collapsed tree. A book held out in one hand and an ink pen in the other. He had been furiously scribbling like this for over half an hour. That girl didn't know it, but he wasn't actually some stalker, nor was he an old man, but the greatest writer in all of existence.

He actually came to the forest looking for a muse, something to inspire his next masterpiece. And that was when she had stumbled into the forest. She had tried to give him as little personal information as possible, but little did she know, he had gotten all he needed.

Transvestite Yaoi wasn't really his style, but he could manage. He was the greatest author after all. He would make this into something that would go down in history. His newest masterpiece in the works at this very moment!

William let out a small chuckle, perhaps that girl could provide him with more insight in the future.

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 **AN: Okay, guys. Don't ask why Lancer is obsessed with grass or why Shakespeare is heavily OOC, I have a brilliant plan for this in the future chapters. If you must know about Lancer, just go to YouTube and watch 'Archer VS Lancer English DUB (Season 2)' And a single line from Lancer will explain it all.**

 **Anyway, see ya later when the chapters get longer.**

 **Remember to proof the Pizza dough for eighteen hours before shaping and to always turn the fan off when you wake up.**


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